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| I am going to miss him saying, “I just want to snuggle” and choosing my lap as the place he most wants to hang out. But geez if I couldn’t use a little space at 6:15am. |
5:50am. That is the time my 2 children woke up today. I do NOT know how to get them on a better schedule, but I am going to lose my mind if we don’t start sleeping a little later.
The boys spent the morning playing with Mary and then hanging out with all of us as I led a lifeguard re-cert class.
They watched them take the swim test and then tread water without hands. They hung out and had some ipad time while we reviewed CPR and took the written test. Augustus fell asleep right after I took this picture, so I carried him home and put him in bed. He slept for 2 hours, which hopefully doesn’t mess up bedtime. 
Later in the day, they ran around with Mary some more while I worked. It was a pretty uneventful day today. Xander was also tired and it’s been a busy, exhausting week.
After dinner, we took Axel for a walk and then played outside before bath time.
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| Listening to the music on the jeep and being”rockstars” |
Camp has been the same for many years. The people change, but every staff group has a funny guy, a dramatic girl, the sporty one, the musician- I could hold up 12 years of staff photos and they are different individuals, but each group is the same. During staff training, I can predict the day that everyone will click and become a group. The day where everyone is tired and sick of listening to policies. The day when people start to feel nervous about the responsibility ahead. It follows a predictable pattern. Once camp starts, there’s always a hot week, a rainy week, a week where are the staff are sick or tired, a best/funnest week, etc. Every summer has the same rhythm. There are surprises and every summer is different, but it’s all so familiar. Even when there are challenges, they are typically predictable and there’s comfort in knowing that we’ve been here before and it will pass.
I think one of the hard parts of pandemic life is that nothing is normal anywhere. When Xander was about 3 weeks old, I had a board meeting (in hindsight, I should have probably cancelled it, but I went in as normal, even though Nate had to drive me because I was still recovering from a Csection). For the 3 weeks I’d been a mom, my whole world had been turned upside down. Part of me didn’t want to be away from my brand new baby, but another part of me was so happy to go back to something from pre-baby life- it made me feel normal for the first time since I’d had a baby. When a major life event happens, it’s weird that the world keeps going on without any regard to you, even if you are all-consumed by whatever is going on. But it’s also comforting to be surrounded by sameness. With the pandemic, EVERYTHING is different. Little things like people wearing masks in the grocery store. Big things like camp being cancelled. Everyone’s jobs are different. Events are cancelled. There is NOTHING that is just the same as always. And it feels very disorienting.
This summer is not normal and it feels very uncertain and despite making 100 lists, planning, working out details, I haven’t found my groove yet. I feel disorganized, scattered. I alternate between feeling excited and then being super unmotivated. I don’t know what to expect when I’m looking ahead to tomorrow or next week or the rest of the month. I feel overwhelmed and seem to struggle to keep up. Luckily the staff members who are here are the best of the best and they don’t seem to be struggling the same way I am. They are taking on projects and doing them start to finish. They are making progress and seeing results. I am taking great comfort in their productivity and overall ability to just function normally. I am trying to keep up, but I’m not there yet. It probably would also help if I was sleeping until a normal time in the morning, so maybe I’m just tired, but summer 2020 is definitely challenging me and providing an opportunity for growth. With one week complete, maybe I’ll find my footing soon.