It’s been a busy few days for me. Wednesday was a day of prep. We had a board call at 7pm, where we officially decided to cancel camp for the summer. The board makes the final call, but I knew it was coming, so Wednesday I spent the day typing emails, filming a video, and getting organized. It was a gorgeous sunny day and I spent the entire day inside. I was so grateful that the boys could be at my mom’s house, having tons of fun with slime, playing outside, playing pie in the face, eating McDonald’s and having a blast. I have said it several times before, but I don’t know how parents are managing to have kids home and work full time. I barely had a second to spare.
Thursday was a special day because Nate took the day off to be a stay-at-home dad with the boys. I was up and out the door by 7:30, ready for a full day in the office. I started the day with a fancy coffee from my favorite coffee shop, knowing I was going to need as much fuel as possible.
I made a million phone calls, talking to several people before the official announcement went out. By 10:30, I was ready to hit send on the big announcement email, as well as post this video on social media.
I am so disappointed, so sad, so lost. I didn’t want to cancel camp, but I also didn’t want to run camp where people could get sick. Ultimately, risk management is the most important part of my job and I talk about safety at every single staff meeting all summer. Nothing else matters if someone gets hurt at camp. And it wouldn’t matter if we had a great staff, top notch programming, fun things to do at camp if someone ended up sick. So that’s that.
When my dad died, I woke up the next day with a LONG list of things to do. The next few days weren’t so bad- I was too busy to be sad. I was running on nonstop adrenaline. That’s exactly how I felt on Thursday. I had several lists, and no time to stop and think. I didn’t have time to be sad. But it wasn’t lost on me that grief has a way of sneaking up on you and that some sad days are probably in my future.
The good news is that unlike death (which is forever), cancelling camp isn’t forever. CYC will be ok. This isn’t good for our budget of course, but we will survive and I’m already counting down to 2021. On Wednesday, I even got 2021 sessions entered into our registration system- we are ready for 2021!
It was a whirlwind of a day, but every single person I spoke to or got an email response from was positive, encouraging, supportive and kind. It was nice to have the decision validated. It was nice to hear over and over again, “I’m sorry you have to be the bearer of bad news.” Every time I read that, I said (out loud) “yes, it really is!” and I genuinely appreciated everyone’s kindness. The CYC community is so truly wonderful and I feel lucky to be part of it.
While I was busy at my office all day, Nate and the boys were having a great day at home. Nate sent me photos all day and they were busy and happy. 
When I got home, they were playing outside and Nate was just about to take the training wheels off of Xander’s bike. Xander has a balance bike that he has been riding nonstop and is very fast on. He also has a pedal bike that had training wheels. Everyone told us that if he rode a balance bike, he’s be likely to just get on a pedal bike and go. I was skeptical, but within minutes, he had it figured out! He was SO proud of himself!!
Last night, as we discussed the plan for Friday, I said, “Daddy will be home with you again and Grandma is going to come over in the afternoon.” Xander responded with, “that is a VERY exciting day!” Indeed.
Another day of daddy/boy time. They went to Nate’s office for a visit, they played outside. I’m not entirely sure what they did all day because I barely checked in at all and I was so busy that all of a sudden I looked up and realized it was time to leave. My mom came over right before Nate and the boys left for the office. In a short amount of time, she had the entire house picked up, bathroom cleaned, sheets in the washing machine, and when I came home I was so thrilled to be able to check 10 things off tomorrow’s check list.
The MN State Fair was cancelled today. It’s not a surprise, but it’s still sad. I think a lot of people were hoping that August was far enough away that maybe things would be ok by then. The difficult part of this global pandemic is the disappointments that come, over and over. Some are little things and some are bigger. There are people dying, businesses closing, people losing their jobs, struggling to pay bills or even have enough food. So it seems trivial to be disappointed by no State Fair or a pool that’s closed. But it’s been 2 months (and more ahead), and it’s difficult not to be discouraged sometimes.
So in the last 2 days, camp has closed and the State Fair has been cancelled. The sadness hasn’t hit me yet- today I spent 2.5 hours of brainstorming with Meghan about projects to do around camp, ways to fundraise and how to use this summer to improve camp. And so I’m feeling surprisingly excited and uplifted. I still have a long list of things to do. And I am trying to remind myself that this is all temporary- life will go back to normal eventually. I’m grateful that Nate could take 2 days off to stay home with the boys and so grateful for my mom who takes them 2 days a week. I am finding some balance between work and raising children. And blogging about it (most days) as I go…